GAYLETTER

I had to cover this party with a name like this, I mean ‘Sinkhole de Mayo’ it’s very catchy. Not to mention Cinco de Mayo deserves even a bigger celebration after all the hate that the Cheeto prez had directed to Mexicans, give me a break with that stupid wall. You’ll see all the racists in America drinking tequila pretending that it came from Ohio — that tequila that’s inside your margarita is Mexican you idiot. Sinkhole De Mayo is happening a day before the official 5 de Mayo celebration, but at midnight you know that tequila shot is going down for a good reason. In addition you are supporting a local gay bar and celebrating Darren’s birthday! We love daddy Darren (pictured), he’s just the best — Happy Birthday! The writer of the party flyer should probably write for us, here’s the text: “Come celebrate the two biggest bottoms since J-Lo and Kim Kardashian for their birthdays! Darren Dryden and Sammy Jo.” It’s presented by Daniel Nardicio, who probably wrote the text, he’s clever like that. That means that Eastern Bloc will be extra slutty, Daniel knows how to bring the sluttiest, comfortable-with-nudity crowd. Good for him, right? Expect “dirty dancers, tons of cake, a free drink if you bring a gift for Darren and Sammy!” Happy Sinkhole de Mayo!  —Abi