GAYLETTER

They’re BAAAAAAAACK! ‘The Cum Trees’ are starting to blossom again. Are you unfamiliar with the cum trees? Well let me explain... It took me two years of living in this city to figure out where that jizzy smell was coming from each year in mid April. At first I thought the smell was maybe like those wafts of pot scent that seems to drift from people’s apartments around my neighborhood. Perhaps the residents of New York were just fucking and jerking off a lot, allowing their eau de ejaculate to drift from their windows to the streets below. When I discovered that the smell, was in fact, coming from the Ornamental Pear trees that are so prominent in downtown NYC I was thankful. I could finally put the case to rest. Turns out it’s the third most popular tree in NYC — there’s around 65,000 adorning our streets. Now I look forward to those few weeks in early spring when the smell of spunk spreads out across the city. It’s invigorating. It’s a signal to shake off the shackles of winter and embrace the warmer months — to go somewhere you’ve never been, do something you’ve never done, fuck someone you’ve never met. Breathe it in, there’s life all around us.  —tom