GAYLETTER

At times like these it’s easy to lose hope. Yesterday’s attack was astounding in it’s brutality. However when I feel myself falling into despair I always remind myself of this stupid, yet insightful scene from Terminator 3 (bear with me). In this particular scene the Terminator has come to rescue a young John Connor, as he is chocking on tear gas. John tells the Terminator to just leave him. He has given up. He hasn’t accepted what his mother had told him his whole life, that he is “the one,” the leader of the resistance who will save them all from the robot army. The terminator, registering his state of despair, grabs John by the neck, and lifts him off the ground:

John Connor: Just leave me here. I’m not the one you want. You’re wasting your time.

Terminator: Incorrect. John Connor leads the resistance to victory.

John Connor: How? Why? Why me?

Terminator: You are John Connor.

John Connor: Christ! My mom fed me that bullshit since the cradle! Look at me! I’m no leader! I never was! I’m never gonna…

John Connor: [is choked by Terminator]

John Connor: Let go!

Terminator: You’re right. You’re not the one I want. I’m wasting my time.

John Connor: Fuck you, you fucking machine!

Terminator: [releases John] Better.

John Connor: What, you were just dicking with me?

Terminator: Anger is more useful than despair.

John Connor: What?

Terminator: Basic psychology is among my sub-routines.

Anger is more useful than despair — I’ve always remembered that line. I’m not talking about the kind of anger that swallows you up, that poisons and clouds how you treat others. I’m talking about the anger that gets shit done. The kind of anger that fueled the men and women who protested outside the Stonewall Inn at 1:20am on the 28th of June, 1969. It was their anger, at the police, and at a society that treated them like lesser people, that fueled the modern gay rights movement. It was this same anger that Act Up used to force an uncaring government to take action to fight a plague that had already killed thousands of us. It was this anger that forced politicians to finally support us in our fight for marriage equality, for protections at work, for the right to fight openly in the armed forces, for so many positive changes that have taken place over the last 50 years.

I have been a mess since I heard about what happened in Orlando yesterday. It was a devastating attack against the LGBTQ community by someone with serious mental problems. Every time I read another story or post on Facebook my heart breaks a little more. But I will not despair. I refuse to. Instead,  I will get angry. I will do something useful. Tonight I will join with thousands of people from the queer community, along with those who support us, outside the Stonewall Inn. We will demand that our leaders work together to ban assault riffles, to fund mental health organizations, and to protect LGBTQ people across this country and the world. We will refuse to let the current situation worsen. Because what other option do we have?

Anger is more useful than despair, and I am furious.

Please join the Vigil in Front of Stonewall Inn to Remember Lives Lost at Pulse Orlando tonight.

7:00pm, Stonewall Inn, 53 Christopher St, New York, NY.