GAYLETTER

When I was a kid there’s nothing I wouldn’t climb: bookshelves, roofs, trees, buildings, I was like a little monkey. I would spend hours sitting atop things staring out at the world around me. I felt safe and free up high. I’d almost forgotten what fun it was to climb until last week when I made my way through the snowy streets to the best and biggest indoor rock climbing center in New York. Brooklyn Boulders is a 22,000 square foot climbing gym in a former garage in Gowanus. It has 100’s of climbing paths for everyone from beginners to those closer to Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger. It’s a really comfortable space, but what really got me excited is that they have 4 walls with auto belay machines. That means you can climb by yourself and rely on the machine to lower you gentle back down to the ground (it’s pretty scary the first time you try it — forcing yourself to trust the device — but you soon get the hang of it). Chelsea Piers may have a higher wall at 50ft, but Brooklyn Boulders wins on value for money. It’s $25 for a day pass and $11 to rent all the equipment. The cost goes down if you buy a 10 day pass, or if you’re a student. Another plus, the place is filled with plenty of hot young dudes hanging upside down from the walls. If you’re lucky, one might accidentally fall on you.  —tom

I am personally terrified of boxing. When I see it on TV and see a cute guy I always think OMG he is so hot and at the end of the fight his face is going to be completely busted. I mean some boys look hot with a busted face but your face gotta be designed for that. In my case I have a very prominent nose which I am afraid I will lose if I boxed. Growing up in the DR I often tried to play sports with the bigger boys (super masc right?) and I once broke a few fingers playing volleyball, so you can understand my fear… Well, no need to worry because according to Vance Garrett (who organized this class in collaboration with straight trainer Francisco Liuzzi) “Gay guys are usually intimidated by boxing… no one has ever been hit in the face in this class... and it’s the most intense workout I’ve ever done…” This class is not about “machismo boxing, it’s an opportunity to meet new people and socialize…” But hey with all the homophobic assholes out there it could come in handy. You’ll learn about “structure, how to wrap your hands, conditioning and footwork while dancing to a soundtrack.” Just keep those gloves away from my face.  —Abi

Yes honey, this is a twerking class! Twerlesque is simply a “Hip Hop Exotic Dance Class which focuses on twerking and toning your lower half.” It’s exercise for your booty hunty. I know 2013 has been a big year for all the real twerkers, and even bigger for the impersonators, remember Miley Cirus trying to twerk? I think she really needed to take this class before trying to make a video... “Burlesque Booty Queen” Jantina Parker will be your instructor and teach you “twerking 101,” which consists of “basic booty clapping, ass isolations, butt walking, floor work and much more...” It’s so important to be able to twerk these days, if you don’t know how to twerk by 2014, you should consider yourself a nobody. The event’s Facebook page suggests that you bring comfortable clothes, “booty shorts or leggings” and don’t forget some water and a towel. There’s nothing left to say, go and shake your ass... you’ll never get the same exercise from bottoming. Jantina Parker you better twerk!  —Abi

We recommend you keep it simple for this Tuesday. No parties, no hookups, no events, no nothing. Disconnect from the world and reconnect with yourself. Masturbation is important, we do it like 5, 6 times a day, and look how relaxed we are. One orgasm away from a coma! But for Tuesday we want you all to try something new. Something you probably haven't done in a while — masturbate using nothing but your brain. That's right, no web porn, no DVD's, no magazines and especially no iPhones. Just you and your penis, getting to know each other again. Turn off the lights, light a candle, think of a past experience, or think of nothing. Take as long as you need, this isn't a race honey. It may feel weird at first, but give into it. Your brain is much more powerful than any 2D image. Yes honey cunt, isn't it lovely? You can thank us after you clean up.  —t&a

I first started going to the gym when I was 20. Abi and I both still go as much as we can. The problem with the gym though is that it can get soooo boring. Doing the same 8 exercises over and over again makes me want to just give up on the whole endeavour and go eat Mexican food in bed and get really into Twilight message boards. But then I realize I should probably just try a different kind of exercise. Which is what lead us to try an aquatic cycling class last Saturday in TriBeCa. I know it sounds like the sort of class rich housewives with hot bods and Jamaican nannies would be into (and you would be right) but it was also a lot of fun. And a pretty great full-body workout. Here’s how it works: they place 14 exercise bikes in a 4ft deep swimming pool, it’s just the right height so that only your legs are underwater. The instructor is on a bike at the front, there’s music, he/she guides you through a 45 minute workout, it’s just like a regular spinning class, but wetter. You’re in a swimsuit, which is kind of hot (especially since all the guys in our class were ripped). The classes cost about the same as SoulCycle ($34). The thing that sets Aqua Studio apart is that classes are gender split, (you’ll only be with guys if you’re a guy) plus they’re intimate (as I said max 14 people) and of course it’s in water, which is just the best fun ever. (Say hi to hot instructor Zack, and tell him we sent you).  —tom

Here’s a fun fact that will make you sit up straight, or more accurately, stand up straight (see what I did there?) people who have sitting jobs die on average 10 years earlier than those whose jobs require them to stand. One researcher even equated sitting with smoking, it’s that bad for you. But what to do about it? There’s all sorts of fancy standing desks you could ask your HR department to order, but if you’re like me and your work has no HR department you have to improvise. The solution is surprisingly simple: build it yourself. I’m not talking about starting from scratch. All you have to do is take a couple of boxes, and a ream or two of paper, and stack them on your desk until you get the right height (up to your elbows, FYI). It only works if you use a laptop (sorry Graphic Designers) but it’s pretty easy. For the first week people will make fun of you but you’ll be surprised how quickly they, and you, adjust. I’ve been doing it for 3 weeks and am sold. I’m up to about 50% standing and 50% sitting. I feel less tired by the end of the day, I can digest food better, my back huts less and when I go home I don’t feel so bad about sitting on the couch. I’m also burning 30% more calories than the sitters in the office, and of course people get a better look at my outfits.  —tom

I’ve never been in a fight, which is weird because I’m Australian and believe me my people love to fight. Once Abi and I got in a confrontation with a drunk dude on the LES who called us faggots then proceeded to pretend he was a cop (he had a silly fake badge and everything). Abi was holding his bike lock, ready to lunge. I was pissed, and had enough adrenaline running through my veins that I think I could have defended myself, but who really knows. Which brings us to a new LGBT Self Defense Workshop taught by a real life Kung fu master Yui Chow. Our buddy Ernie Cote is organizing the whole thing. It runs for 8 weeks, but there’s no commitment to do them all. Ernie tells us that “the cost is $15 per class — its best if you make it to as many of the 8 sessions as you can, since there will be techniques that are very effective and are best if you do them for a few weeks.” In light of recent attacks against LGBTQI people in NYC it wouldn’t hurt any of us to learn a couple of tricks to take care of ourselves, and each other. Then the next time a fake cop calls you a “faggot” you can give him the ol’ one, two, three to the balls and get the hell out of there.  —tom

You might not know this from looking at us, but the GAYLETTER crew is an active group. Which is why last Sunday Mossy, Abi and I headed to Tompkins Square Park to play a bit of B-Ball. You probably know it as basketball, which is cool and all, but as I mentioned when you’re as into sports as we are, you can’t help but embrace the lingo. While this recommendation might seem obvious, ask yourself when was the last time you made use of any of the 100’s of outdoor public basketball courts? Or any of the 82 public tennis courts? Not to mention the public ping pong tables, handball walls and hockey fields? Summer won’t last forever so make the most of it and get outside this weekend. We suggest you head to the b-ball courts in Tompkins Square Park and play a game of H-O-R-S-E. It’s about as simple as it gets, and you can play it with any number of players. Pick a court on the north-east of the park. There you’ll be right next to all the hotties working out on the play equipment. They get hot, and more often than not take shirts off. Try not to get lost in their abs, you’re there for basketball, remember?  —tom