GAYLETTER

Valentine’s day is stupid, and I’m not just saying that because I’m single. Even when I was in a relationship I still thought it was a stupid holiday for stupid people, who like doing stupid things like getting couples massages, or meeting in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset. However there is something happening this Valentines day that I do not think is stupid...at all. It’s a Valentines Dinner inspired by Mrs “I woke up like this” Beyoncé Knowles Carter. Some of the highlights of the meal include the BLUE IVY - smoked blue potatoes, chiriboga blue, trout roe, watercress, the I AM PASTA FIERCE - jalapeno pappardelle, puttanesca, gold leaf, and the BREASTINY’S CHILD - veal breast braciole, pickled fig, sopresatta, goat yogurt. While some might think it’s silly, the food on offer sounds seriously good. It’s going down at Brucie, a restaurant in Carroll Gardens that is a New York Magazine critics’ pick. I can’t guarantee that they have any seats left for the dinner, considering it’s received ample media attention, but it’s worth a shot. I mean honestly can you think of less stupid way to spend your valentines than this?  —tom

Every year during the Spring and Fall, Madison Square Eats pops up in General Worth Square (the public space between Eatly and Madison Square Park.) It’s a small triangle filled with stands featuring some of the city's best restaurants. There’s some yummy options from places like Roberta’s, Mighty Balls, Macaron Parlour, Momofuku Milk Bar, Melt, Asia Dog, Arancini Bros. and more. For foodies this place is a must visit. I mean, what could be better than trying a slice of Roberta’s famous pizza, then taking 10 steps to enjoy a Nutella rice ball from Arancini Bros, only to wash it all down with a cold glass of beer from the Cannibal? On a sunny fall day it’s just nothing more lovely than a visit to this place (and I don’t care that I sound like my mother, I mean it!). It finishes its run for the year on October 25th, after that you’ll have to wait until next Spring for it to return. So let loose homos, it’s sweater weather, ain’t nobodies business if you binge on some Korean tacos and gain a few pounds!  —tom

Two recent restaurant openings have really got my taste buds salivating. The first is the taco restaurant that opened across the street from me (seriously it’s like 16 steps away from my front door...I could shout out my order from my window). Second is the LA chain Umami Burger. The taco restaurant is really only of interest to me, Umami Burger however is clearly of interest to the whole of NYC. The term “Umami” comes from the Japanese and describes the 5th taste (after sweet, sour, salty and bitter). It’s that moorish flavor people associate with food like truffles or cheese or soy sauce. It’s also the basis for the burgers at Umami Burger which have gained a cult following for being “infused with secret ingredients with umami properties.” The week it opened I went by myself (sitting at the bar is the only way you’ll get a seat) to see what all the fuss was about. I tried the truffle burger as well as the original Umami burger. Both were, unsurprisingly, awesome. They’re all made with American Wagyu beef and seasoned with plenty of umami goodness. The food at each location (there’s many planned) is designed to taste different.“We want our customers to have a unique experience. We wanted to be a restaurant group, not a chain” says Umami’s owner Adam Fleischman. On the NY menu you’ll soon find the French-dip burger, “made with braised beef and served with umamified gravy on the side.” There’s also plenty of non-meat burgers, which is kind of Adam.  —tom

Here’s a fact to throw around at your next dinner party: Australians really love Thai food. Maybe it’s because we’re the only country (besides Thailand obvs) where you can find all the same herbs and spices needed for traditional Thai cooking (at least that’s what I was told in the Thai cooking class I took in Chiang Mai). My point is, I don’t phuck wit shitty Thai food. Which is why I was so pleasantly surprised when I visited Uncle Boons on Spring st. last Sunday. The space is kind of weird; it’s below street level, a little pokey, but the food, oh the food! The brains behind the biz are two ex Per Se cooks who decided to leave the fine-dining world so they could share their love of home-style Thai cooking with us lucky New Yorkers. Highlights include the salted black crab, ground pork, and coconut cream dip “Lon Pu Kem” and the rotisserie chicken salad with dried onions and all sorts of yummy sauces and spices. Also look out for the “Charcoal Grilled Goodies” section featuring octopus and blowfish tails which are grilled and then served with chile dipping, plus a variety of Thai curries. Go early, they have limited reservations — yes, it’s one of those places. A week hasn’t gone by where it hasn’t received a glowing review from one publication or another, including us. What can I say, I’m a rice queen through and through...  —tom

On Sunday evening Abi and I checked out Birreria, the beer garden atop Mario Batali’s Italian superstore Eataly on Madison Square Park. As you might expect it was full of straight people. Of course, like all places where straight people congregate (Italian street festivals, Ikea, everywhere on St Patrick’s Day) there was a smattering of homos we were able to sniff out. Why we’re writing it up has nothing to do with the crowd, and everything to do with the quality of the food and drink. We shared the chicken thigh cacciatore, which comes in a tomato sauce with zucchini and squash and crimini mushrooms, and the beer-braised pork shoulder with celery, local apples and mustard vinaigrette. Good lord that was some tasty meats. Being a beer garden we also shared a couple of house brewed ales. They serve three kinds of cask-conditioned ale. Not sure what that is? Well, let me help you out: “Cask-conditioned ale is beer that is served from the same cask in which it is conditioned. It is naturally carbonated, unfiltered, and served at a traditional cellar temperature of 50-55° Fahrenheit.” Werk. These people aren’t messing about, not with the beer or the food.  —tom

I guess we’re late to learn about this, but if you hang out with enough young marijuana smokers, there’s no end to the things you can discover...So we we’re watching Rupaul’s Drag Race, you know having some brews and blowing some trees, when all of the sudden our friend Eric goes “should we order some cookies?” It was 12:30 at night, so we weren’t sure how that was possible, but since we were already high, we just said “sure.”  Turns out there’s a late night cookie delivery service in NYC. Moments later we are on the Insomnia Cookie website making our selection from their more than generous menu of “fresh baked” cookies (sorry none have weed in them). 10 minutes later someone called us to tell us that our cookies would be arriving shortly. They came in a pizza box, delivered by a cute, giggly, hipsterish and totally fuckable boy—who was obviously lit. It really felt like a dream—that was until this morning when we saw the pizza box of cookies sitting on the coffee table, daring us to reach in for seconds. Cookies for breakfast...that’s how you live the American dream.  —t&a

Did you know that insects are one of the most sustainable forms of protein on the planet? It’s true. Insects reproduce faster than Mormons. They’re everywhere (the insects) and you don’t have to destroy incredible masses of land to farm them. Some of them are also quite delicious. Take for instance grasshoppers. I tried these tasty critters for the first time at the recently opened Antojeria La Popular, on Spring St. This Mexican tapas restaurant is the real deal, flying in traditional Mexican produce, including the grasshoppers, daily, from markets south of the border. The yummy little things are served on a crispy tostada with avocado, crema fresca and Mexican spices. They kind of taste like bacon, they’re crunchy and salty and pair perfectly with the avocado. Go ahead and give ‘em a try; I mean you’re gay, you’ve put stranger things in your mouth.  —tom